2010/08/27
2010/08/25
存在主義是一種人文主義
...... 因此無所謂人性，因為沒有上帝 去創造這個概念，人赤裸裸地存在。他不是想像中 ( conceive )的自己，而是意欲 ( will )成甚麼才是甚麼；他存在之後，才能想像他自己是甚麼，這是在他躍進存在之後意欲的 ( what he wills himself to be after this thrust toward existence )，人除自我塑造之外甚麼也不是。 ( Man is nothing else but what he makes of himself. ) ”
— 沙特《存在主義是一種人文主義》
Atheistic existentialism, of which I am a representative, declares with greater consistency that if God does not exist there is at least one being whose existence comes before its essence, a being which exists before it can be defined by any conception of it. That being is man or, as Heidegger has it, the human reality. What do we mean by saying that existence precedes essence? We mean that man first of all exists, encounters himself, surges up in the world – and defines himself afterwards. If man as the existentialist sees him is not definable, it is because to begin with he is nothing. He will not be anything until later, and then he will be what he makes of himself. Thus, there is no human nature, because there is no God to have a conception of it. Man simply is. Not that he is simply what he conceives himself to be, but he is what he wills, and as he conceives himself after already existing – as he wills to be after that leap towards existence.
Man is nothing else but that which he makes of himself. That is the first principle of existentialism. And this is what people call its “subjectivity,” using the word as a reproach against us. But what do we mean to say by this, but that man is of a greater dignity than a stone or a table? For we mean to say that man primarily exists – that man is, before all else, something which propels itself towards a future and is aware that it is doing so. Man is, indeed, a project which possesses a subjective life, instead of being a kind of moss, or a fungus or a cauliflower. Before that projection of the self nothing exists; not even in the heaven of intelligence: man will only attain existence when he is what he purposes to be. Not, however, what he may wish to be. For what we usually understand by wishing or willing is a conscious decision taken – much more often than not – after we have made ourselves what we are. I may wish to join a party, to write a book or to marry – but in such a case what is usually called my will is probably a manifestation of a prior and more spontaneous decision. If, however, it is true that existence is prior to essence, man is responsible for what he is. Thus, the first effect of existentialism is that it puts every man in possession of himself as he is, and places the entire responsibility for his existence squarely upon his own shoulders. And, when we say that man is responsible for himself, we do not mean that he is responsible only for his own individuality, but that he is responsible for all men.
— 沙特《存在主義是一種人文主義》
Atheistic existentialism, of which I am a representative, declares with greater consistency that if God does not exist there is at least one being whose existence comes before its essence, a being which exists before it can be defined by any conception of it. That being is man or, as Heidegger has it, the human reality. What do we mean by saying that existence precedes essence? We mean that man first of all exists, encounters himself, surges up in the world – and defines himself afterwards. If man as the existentialist sees him is not definable, it is because to begin with he is nothing. He will not be anything until later, and then he will be what he makes of himself. Thus, there is no human nature, because there is no God to have a conception of it. Man simply is. Not that he is simply what he conceives himself to be, but he is what he wills, and as he conceives himself after already existing – as he wills to be after that leap towards existence.
Man is nothing else but that which he makes of himself. That is the first principle of existentialism. And this is what people call its “subjectivity,” using the word as a reproach against us. But what do we mean to say by this, but that man is of a greater dignity than a stone or a table? For we mean to say that man primarily exists – that man is, before all else, something which propels itself towards a future and is aware that it is doing so. Man is, indeed, a project which possesses a subjective life, instead of being a kind of moss, or a fungus or a cauliflower. Before that projection of the self nothing exists; not even in the heaven of intelligence: man will only attain existence when he is what he purposes to be. Not, however, what he may wish to be. For what we usually understand by wishing or willing is a conscious decision taken – much more often than not – after we have made ourselves what we are. I may wish to join a party, to write a book or to marry – but in such a case what is usually called my will is probably a manifestation of a prior and more spontaneous decision. If, however, it is true that existence is prior to essence, man is responsible for what he is. Thus, the first effect of existentialism is that it puts every man in possession of himself as he is, and places the entire responsibility for his existence squarely upon his own shoulders. And, when we say that man is responsible for himself, we do not mean that he is responsible only for his own individuality, but that he is responsible for all men.
2010/08/24
8/24
究竟，需要多少的參考或是路標 我們才能明白自己的選擇
在未知與迷惑的情況下 信仰何其重要
漫長的等待要如何才能得到我要的結果
我是如此的害怕面對這一切
然而我卻無法選擇逃避
今天我終於崩潰了
害怕放手後的結果讓我感到遲疑
我害怕你的期待
害怕旁人的眼光
害怕我所必須付出的代價
害怕我面對的考驗和困難
你們總是鼓勵我 肯定我 但我卻感到沉重
如果我是如此的平凡 也會感受到等質的痛苦嗎
我做了選擇 下了決定
代價是我必須面對的
在未知與迷惑的情況下 信仰何其重要
漫長的等待要如何才能得到我要的結果
我是如此的害怕面對這一切
然而我卻無法選擇逃避
今天我終於崩潰了
害怕放手後的結果讓我感到遲疑
我害怕你的期待
害怕旁人的眼光
害怕我所必須付出的代價
害怕我面對的考驗和困難
你們總是鼓勵我 肯定我 但我卻感到沉重
如果我是如此的平凡 也會感受到等質的痛苦嗎
我做了選擇 下了決定
代價是我必須面對的
2010/08/22
Cinnamon
我在挑選蠟燭時
同行的友人聞了聞
指著"肉桂蘋果"說這適合我
我喜歡聞起來溫暖而非清新的木質香
或許像我這種個性分明的
嗆辣的氣味令人無法忽視
喜歡的人愛不釋手 懼怕的在遠處就避離
我的香水即是如此
拿在手上聞是如此強烈與突兀
在我身上卻顯得合適與沉穩
最近我愛上了肉桂這種強烈且具有異國情調的味道
的確 不是個容易使人親近的香味
玫瑰是多刺浪漫的 即使多刺卻如此的引人注目
關於我 或許比較適合低調的木質香味吧
我不需要有華麗的外表
但我希望能以另一種方式結交那些注意到我的人
肉桂，樹之貴也。平淡無實，香遠亦清，雖說樹之高級品，但平易可得，全年均開花，為花期之長短矣！
肉桂味辛、甘，性熱。有溫補腎陽、溫中逐寒、宣導血脈的作用。其性渾厚凝降，守而不走，偏暖下焦，能助腎中陽氣並能納氣歸腎、引火歸元。
(February 13, 2009)
同行的友人聞了聞
指著"肉桂蘋果"說這適合我
我喜歡聞起來溫暖而非清新的木質香
或許像我這種個性分明的
嗆辣的氣味令人無法忽視
喜歡的人愛不釋手 懼怕的在遠處就避離
我的香水即是如此
拿在手上聞是如此強烈與突兀
在我身上卻顯得合適與沉穩
最近我愛上了肉桂這種強烈且具有異國情調的味道
的確 不是個容易使人親近的香味
玫瑰是多刺浪漫的 即使多刺卻如此的引人注目
關於我 或許比較適合低調的木質香味吧
我不需要有華麗的外表
但我希望能以另一種方式結交那些注意到我的人
肉桂，樹之貴也。平淡無實，香遠亦清，雖說樹之高級品，但平易可得，全年均開花，為花期之長短矣！
肉桂味辛、甘，性熱。有溫補腎陽、溫中逐寒、宣導血脈的作用。其性渾厚凝降，守而不走，偏暖下焦，能助腎中陽氣並能納氣歸腎、引火歸元。
(February 13, 2009)
午安憂鬱
我本來就不常出門
從小就非常耐的住閉關
獨居時我偶爾會發生三四天完全不下樓拿報紙的情況
即使出門了
也經常只是一個人散了一段很長的步
如果沒有人打電話來
就沒有機會開口說話
我也很少打電話給誰
我想不出有甚麼話非得跟誰說不可
...
一個孤單的人在腦子裡進行的對話真是無窮無盡
胡思亂想的內容向宇宙一樣漫無邊際
那些思考和主旨遠比一個蟻丘裡螞蟻深掘的路徑更複雜
閃現的念頭一個跑的比一個快
我納悶它們追不追的上光的速度
...
沒有人來煩我
我就這樣一個人專心發著清醒的瘋
節選 柯裕棻《甜美的剎那》－－
從小就非常耐的住閉關
獨居時我偶爾會發生三四天完全不下樓拿報紙的情況
即使出門了
也經常只是一個人散了一段很長的步
如果沒有人打電話來
就沒有機會開口說話
我也很少打電話給誰
我想不出有甚麼話非得跟誰說不可
...
一個孤單的人在腦子裡進行的對話真是無窮無盡
胡思亂想的內容向宇宙一樣漫無邊際
那些思考和主旨遠比一個蟻丘裡螞蟻深掘的路徑更複雜
閃現的念頭一個跑的比一個快
我納悶它們追不追的上光的速度
...
沒有人來煩我
我就這樣一個人專心發著清醒的瘋
節選 柯裕棻《甜美的剎那》－－
And so I wonder
He said he would be there for me,
He said he would never leave me,
No one knows how i feel deep inside,
No one was there when it happened in real life,
Some say I left for another guy,
Some say I left because I've had enough,
No...
I left because everything became different,
Him and i became different,
Our love is like a shattered glass now,
Our love could never grow again,
He moved on,
I couldn't,
He came back,
I came back,
He moved on,
I moved on..
I'm tired of crying for him,
Because I know he won't cry for me,
He blames me for everything,
He doesn't blame himself,
I keep it inside,
I carry with me all the burden too,
I don't want to look back anymore,
For I Don't want to cry over him again,
I don't want to fight back for him,
Because I know he won't hear me,
And he chooses to not hear me,
I moved on..
It's all been done,
I'm someone new now,
So don't come looking for me now, (well,to tell you the truth,he never did. never tried)
Live a life full of smiles and happiness,
Go out without telling anyone about it and feel blessed,
I thanked the lord for changing me into someone new,
Something worthwhile and got rid of all my blues,
He can keep everything,
I can keep the memories,
I ask for nothing,
Everything is done.
I did this when i was young. there's something about this that i could never forget of what happened. i hope you are reading this Keem Musdi. to know how much pain you've caused me and i to you. you and i both know the truth. there's no easy way to say sorry but to rather lie to ourselves and build up those hatred inside of the two of us.
And so i wonder if you do still think about me.
And so i wonder if you do still love me inside somewhere.
And so i wonder if there will ever be another chance for us to tie the knot and never let go.
And so i wonder.
And so i wonder.
I never got the chance to say thank you. I know I'll never be given the chance to apologize eventhough i've apologized millions of times (i assure you i can apologize a million more just for you. let me apologize. I don't want to carry this burden anymore). i don't think i'll ever have the chance to do so. wherever you are. i hope sooner or later maybe someday,everything will be okay again.
http://leloveimage.blogspot.com/
He said he would never leave me,
No one knows how i feel deep inside,
No one was there when it happened in real life,
Some say I left for another guy,
Some say I left because I've had enough,
No...
I left because everything became different,
Him and i became different,
Our love is like a shattered glass now,
Our love could never grow again,
He moved on,
I couldn't,
He came back,
I came back,
He moved on,
I moved on..
I'm tired of crying for him,
Because I know he won't cry for me,
He blames me for everything,
He doesn't blame himself,
I keep it inside,
I carry with me all the burden too,
I don't want to look back anymore,
For I Don't want to cry over him again,
I don't want to fight back for him,
Because I know he won't hear me,
And he chooses to not hear me,
I moved on..
It's all been done,
I'm someone new now,
So don't come looking for me now, (well,to tell you the truth,he never did. never tried)
Live a life full of smiles and happiness,
Go out without telling anyone about it and feel blessed,
I thanked the lord for changing me into someone new,
Something worthwhile and got rid of all my blues,
He can keep everything,
I can keep the memories,
I ask for nothing,
Everything is done.
I did this when i was young. there's something about this that i could never forget of what happened. i hope you are reading this Keem Musdi. to know how much pain you've caused me and i to you. you and i both know the truth. there's no easy way to say sorry but to rather lie to ourselves and build up those hatred inside of the two of us.
And so i wonder if you do still think about me.
And so i wonder if you do still love me inside somewhere.
And so i wonder if there will ever be another chance for us to tie the knot and never let go.
And so i wonder.
And so i wonder.
I never got the chance to say thank you. I know I'll never be given the chance to apologize eventhough i've apologized millions of times (i assure you i can apologize a million more just for you. let me apologize. I don't want to carry this burden anymore). i don't think i'll ever have the chance to do so. wherever you are. i hope sooner or later maybe someday,everything will be okay again.
http://leloveimage.blogspot.com/
2010/08/20
原則
曾經有人告訴我，原則是用來打破的。如同我們為彼此打破原則一樣，很多事情若是清醒著去選擇，或許就沒有這些樂趣。我們不可能沒有錯誤，但就是因為這些過去的錯誤，讓我們更了解自己，或他。我從不後悔那些醜陋或是荒唐，因為我們永遠在成長，而我們活在當下。而我終於原諒了自己。
2010/08/15
2010/08/12
2010/08/05
2010/08/01
the girl
她有點懶，她不擅長做家務。
她獨立，也好強，她寧願忍受太多的寂寞和痛苦也不願意向別人提起。
但其實骨子裡，渴望有一個避風港灣，讓她去依靠。但她不會承認。
她必須確定那個人是否可以承受得了這一切的，承受她的撒嬌，她的無理取鬧，她的倔強，她的悲觀，她所有的性格缺陷且永遠不離不棄。
只有這樣，她才放心，可以放心去繼續做自己，不會害怕有一天將要面對失去。如果沒有，那麼她只好繼續寂寞和孤獨。
她對愛情沒有安全感，也不會給別人安全感。
她一定要對方先流露出對她有好感，她才散發她的熱情。她愛的永遠是對她最好的那個，那個好她心裡是有一個標準的，你的積分超過了那條線，她會愛上你，但大多數人沒超過線之前就離開了，或者超過了之後沒等她看到就離開了。
其實她要的並不多，她要的只是一個溫暖的家。對她來說太重要了，雖然在她們口中說出來的卻是：我不需要愛情。
當你緊張他的異性朋友，她會一面跟你說，他只是我的誰誰誰，卻一面偷偷在意你的感受。 。 。
對她們而言，唯一具備殺傷力的只有感情，感情如果受到挫折，要么毀了她們，要么成就了她們。從此更加漠然，專注於事業。
她分手後完全不會像其他座在人面前要死要活，她嬉笑怒鬧，變得更加開朗。在聽到朋友說有關他的話題時，從不刻意迴避，她適當參與，淡然微笑，她的表現總會遭人懷疑這段感情的深淺，而人群中只有那些知道背後情節的人才看見她背後的眼淚和努力。
她從來不會在情人面前大聲哭泣，除非她真的崩潰了。
即使在你愛著她的時候，她也會胡思亂想讓自己悲傷。
如果你看到她的眼淚，請相信這絕不是她在博取同情，這是她這樣一顆內心驕傲的女子不得己的場景。
她想對你負責，對她負責，對自己的過去和未來負責，但請你不要輕易給她承諾和誓言。她很難相信。
即使她很難相信，但她還是會選擇等待。
她的傷初始濃烈似酒，很快就會變為一杯水，卻讓水滲入生活成為點點滴滴.她選擇在其中淡定，在其中沉默和內傷。
她就是這樣，強勢，霸道，任性。 。 。
不會討人歡心，死要面子，她愛朋友多過你。
她最有保護欲，最沒有秘密。
最暴躁，最善變，最沒耐心，最衝動，最耐不住寂寞卻又喜歡假惺惺的讓自己一個人呆著。
有時候她又充滿陽光的氣息，愛笑愛說話，活蹦亂跳，可愛迷人。 。
她很自私，只願意與人同甘，不願意讓別人跟她共苦。
她的家庭不一定很是富裕，但她都是習慣了養尊處優。
她喜歡熱鬧，總會成為聚會的焦點，前提是她想。
她也享受孤獨，會靜坐在一個人的房間聽著很傷感的音樂。
她也會一整天呆在房間裡心情壓抑低落，但第二天一早起來，又會輕輕鬆鬆的打理一切，慌慌忙忙的拽著大衣拎著包往外衝。
她習慣在人前表現的很堅強，一付大女子主義的模樣。
她會想，遇到真正懂她愛她寵她的人，她就一定就會很安靜，心甘情願的安靜下來，不煩，不鬧，按時吃飯按時睡覺，按時做一切能安心和他一起做的事情。
她從不輕言愛，她的愛很沉默，那並非是因為她缺少那份勇氣，在她的心裡有一道柵欄，那就是自尊。
她看得比生命更尊貴的自尊。
如果有一個這樣的女孩對你說她愛你，那就代表在她的心裡你的分量勝過了她的自尊。
你不了解她，不懂她的好，就別愛她。
她會在真正愛她的人面前卸掉所有的盔甲和偽裝，做個幸福的小女人，她不要求你要做什麼，不會無理取鬧要你陪著她，她有自己的生活，她給你空間因為她也需要空間。
她也會幻想，在遇到真正的他時，會在他累的時候悄悄熬上點營養粥，然後說，看你這麼不辭勞累本姑娘心情又不錯犒勞犒勞你。
她在你面前永遠性感調皮，偶爾撒撒嬌，跟你玩陌生人的遊戲，在你的朋友面前從來大方得體，微笑的依偎在你身邊。
她不讓你給她買這買那，她會說，我啊，是大女人，不喜歡男人給我買單。 。 。但是心裡卻會為你私自買給她的禮物而暗自開心，因為女人覺得那是你的寵愛。
她在意的是你的心，你若真心，她必然實意。最起碼你得表現的真心，能讓她感覺得到。
她會經常冒出些新鮮的想法來調劑生活，她的多變有時會讓你不安。
終有一天，她的敏感在你的呵護下慢慢消失不見，她的倔強被你的保護軟化，她的偽裝在你面前被輕易識穿。 。 。
得到她，別驕傲，因為沒人可以吃定她。
只有懂她的人，才會得到她的好。
她有時是有些遲鈍的，在感情方面，但有時很敏感，因為她在乎。
她有時想，當她遇上生命中的那個人，會愛的多麼濃烈，她渴望那種不計後果的極致，然後在強烈的碰撞中享受那種心痛感。
所以，別愛這樣的女孩，她太偏激，太虛偽，太粗心，又太神經質，太難伺候，太不溫柔。 。 。
如果你沒勇氣，沒能力可以堅持愛她，就別愛她。
因為如果你會離開，她的心將會永遠冰封，再也不會為任何人打開。 。 。 。 。 。
她獨立，也好強，她寧願忍受太多的寂寞和痛苦也不願意向別人提起。
但其實骨子裡，渴望有一個避風港灣，讓她去依靠。但她不會承認。
她必須確定那個人是否可以承受得了這一切的，承受她的撒嬌，她的無理取鬧，她的倔強，她的悲觀，她所有的性格缺陷且永遠不離不棄。
只有這樣，她才放心，可以放心去繼續做自己，不會害怕有一天將要面對失去。如果沒有，那麼她只好繼續寂寞和孤獨。
她對愛情沒有安全感，也不會給別人安全感。
她一定要對方先流露出對她有好感，她才散發她的熱情。她愛的永遠是對她最好的那個，那個好她心裡是有一個標準的，你的積分超過了那條線，她會愛上你，但大多數人沒超過線之前就離開了，或者超過了之後沒等她看到就離開了。
其實她要的並不多，她要的只是一個溫暖的家。對她來說太重要了，雖然在她們口中說出來的卻是：我不需要愛情。
當你緊張他的異性朋友，她會一面跟你說，他只是我的誰誰誰，卻一面偷偷在意你的感受。 。 。
對她們而言，唯一具備殺傷力的只有感情，感情如果受到挫折，要么毀了她們，要么成就了她們。從此更加漠然，專注於事業。
她分手後完全不會像其他座在人面前要死要活，她嬉笑怒鬧，變得更加開朗。在聽到朋友說有關他的話題時，從不刻意迴避，她適當參與，淡然微笑，她的表現總會遭人懷疑這段感情的深淺，而人群中只有那些知道背後情節的人才看見她背後的眼淚和努力。
她從來不會在情人面前大聲哭泣，除非她真的崩潰了。
即使在你愛著她的時候，她也會胡思亂想讓自己悲傷。
如果你看到她的眼淚，請相信這絕不是她在博取同情，這是她這樣一顆內心驕傲的女子不得己的場景。
她想對你負責，對她負責，對自己的過去和未來負責，但請你不要輕易給她承諾和誓言。她很難相信。
即使她很難相信，但她還是會選擇等待。
她的傷初始濃烈似酒，很快就會變為一杯水，卻讓水滲入生活成為點點滴滴.她選擇在其中淡定，在其中沉默和內傷。
她就是這樣，強勢，霸道，任性。 。 。
不會討人歡心，死要面子，她愛朋友多過你。
她最有保護欲，最沒有秘密。
最暴躁，最善變，最沒耐心，最衝動，最耐不住寂寞卻又喜歡假惺惺的讓自己一個人呆著。
有時候她又充滿陽光的氣息，愛笑愛說話，活蹦亂跳，可愛迷人。 。
她很自私，只願意與人同甘，不願意讓別人跟她共苦。
她的家庭不一定很是富裕，但她都是習慣了養尊處優。
她喜歡熱鬧，總會成為聚會的焦點，前提是她想。
她也享受孤獨，會靜坐在一個人的房間聽著很傷感的音樂。
她也會一整天呆在房間裡心情壓抑低落，但第二天一早起來，又會輕輕鬆鬆的打理一切，慌慌忙忙的拽著大衣拎著包往外衝。
她習慣在人前表現的很堅強，一付大女子主義的模樣。
她會想，遇到真正懂她愛她寵她的人，她就一定就會很安靜，心甘情願的安靜下來，不煩，不鬧，按時吃飯按時睡覺，按時做一切能安心和他一起做的事情。
她從不輕言愛，她的愛很沉默，那並非是因為她缺少那份勇氣，在她的心裡有一道柵欄，那就是自尊。
她看得比生命更尊貴的自尊。
如果有一個這樣的女孩對你說她愛你，那就代表在她的心裡你的分量勝過了她的自尊。
你不了解她，不懂她的好，就別愛她。
她會在真正愛她的人面前卸掉所有的盔甲和偽裝，做個幸福的小女人，她不要求你要做什麼，不會無理取鬧要你陪著她，她有自己的生活，她給你空間因為她也需要空間。
她也會幻想，在遇到真正的他時，會在他累的時候悄悄熬上點營養粥，然後說，看你這麼不辭勞累本姑娘心情又不錯犒勞犒勞你。
她在你面前永遠性感調皮，偶爾撒撒嬌，跟你玩陌生人的遊戲，在你的朋友面前從來大方得體，微笑的依偎在你身邊。
她不讓你給她買這買那，她會說，我啊，是大女人，不喜歡男人給我買單。 。 。但是心裡卻會為你私自買給她的禮物而暗自開心，因為女人覺得那是你的寵愛。
她在意的是你的心，你若真心，她必然實意。最起碼你得表現的真心，能讓她感覺得到。
她會經常冒出些新鮮的想法來調劑生活，她的多變有時會讓你不安。
終有一天，她的敏感在你的呵護下慢慢消失不見，她的倔強被你的保護軟化，她的偽裝在你面前被輕易識穿。 。 。
得到她，別驕傲，因為沒人可以吃定她。
只有懂她的人，才會得到她的好。
她有時是有些遲鈍的，在感情方面，但有時很敏感，因為她在乎。
她有時想，當她遇上生命中的那個人，會愛的多麼濃烈，她渴望那種不計後果的極致，然後在強烈的碰撞中享受那種心痛感。
所以，別愛這樣的女孩，她太偏激，太虛偽，太粗心，又太神經質，太難伺候，太不溫柔。 。 。
如果你沒勇氣，沒能力可以堅持愛她，就別愛她。
因為如果你會離開，她的心將會永遠冰封，再也不會為任何人打開。 。 。 。 。 。
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